I'm married to Andy Dwyer. I don't hate him.
I’m putting myself on quarantine. I’m not leaving my room until I’m sure all the germs Ben left here for me are dead. I don’t want to get sick again because then Ann will probably have to take care of me at the hospital and everyone knows she almost killed me last time.
Since it’s now 2012, I think I can release this not so official propaganda poster for the young people.
I didn’t run it by Leslie because I know she would have said no.
Merry whatever it is your celebrate and stuff. This is me being festive.
April, where did you hang the painting? I think it’s worthy to go above your fireplace. Do you even have a fireplace?
I hung it across my bed so it’s the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I see when I go to sleep. It’s the best present anyone has ever given me.
Merry whatever it is your celebrate and stuff. This is me being festive.
benjamin-ben-wyatt replied to your post: Our Zombie Santa never showed up. So now I have to…
That’s probably way more dangerous than a zombie Santa. You may want to reconsider that.
Fun sponge.
I THINK I’M GOING TO TYPE IN CAPS FROM NOW ON.
MAYBE I’LL ONLY DO THIS TO BEN.
Andy and I are paying this guy 100 bucks to stand in our front yard every night to chase off any carollers. We found him on Craigslist and he’s kind of cool.
I only made this because I’m bored. I also like this because I can spy on people I don’t like and make fun of them, which is my favorite pastime. I have a Facebook and a Twitter so I can post things like “I’m going to the moon in an hour, brb” to make my mom think that I’m crazy, which is funny. Only for a little while, though. Then it gets annoying when she tries to play along because, well, she’s old and unfunny. Those things usually go hand in hand, which is why I’m never getting old.
I might make Andy get one of these so we can freak people out together. We sometimes go to the mall and stare at people to do that, but doing it on the internet sounds challenging.
I guess I should get off here and do some work or whatever. Someone has got to ignore all those phone calls potently and keep Andy entertained.
