I'm married to Andy Dwyer. I don't hate him.
If there’s anything I learned from my Women’s Studies course it’s that women are equal to men.
God, it’s so hot when you say smart things. It makes me want to make out with your entire face.
APRIL WE NEED TO GET MORE OF THESE.
Maybe if we get Ben one he’ll have more fun when we guerrilla attack him.
Yeah, totally. We should buy five so we can have two for ourselves and one for Ben.
And one for me! I want in!
Andy and I will destroy both of you and send your remains to the lowest pits in hell.
I really just want the bag of marshmallows…
You either fight to the death with them or none at all, man.
That seems a little… violent. Fight to the death? Really, April?
Fine. I’ll try and convince Ben that this is a good idea.
And we will win.
Nothing screams fun like a fight to the death. Especially if there are real screams.
APRIL WE NEED TO GET MORE OF THESE.
Maybe if we get Ben one he’ll have more fun when we guerrilla attack him.
Yeah, totally. We should buy five so we can have two for ourselves and one for Ben.
And one for me! I want in!
Andy and I will destroy both of you and send your remains to the lowest pits in hell.
I really just want the bag of marshmallows…
You either fight to the death with them or none at all, man.
APRIL WE NEED TO GET MORE OF THESE.
Maybe if we get Ben one he’ll have more fun when we guerrilla attack him.
Yeah, totally. We should buy five so we can have two for ourselves and one for Ben.
And one for me! I want in!
Andy and I will destroy both of you and send your remains to the lowest pits in hell.
APRIL WE NEED TO GET MORE OF THESE.
Maybe if we get Ben one he’ll have more fun when we guerrilla attack him.
Yeah, totally. We should buy five so we can have two for ourselves and one for Ben.
I still don’t get why Jerry is 16 and also I don’t get how leap years work. If he’s 16 then why does he look so old and why can’t February 29th just exist every year? If I was president I’d change that first, just to not confuse so many people anymore.
Vote Andy Dwyer for president and get your extra day every year.
…is what I would say if Jerry wasn’t a complete waste of space.
April, can you be nice to Jerry for just one day? Just one? And it’s not even a full 24 hours, it’s just a 6 hour shift.
I didn’t injure him in any way. I think I was pretty nice.
APRIL IS NOT YOUR RELATIONSHIP GURU. SHE DOES NOT CARE AND PROBABLY HATES YOU. HER LIVER CAN’T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS. THIS MESSAGE IS TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR (READ: TOM AND ANN).
THIS IS AN OFFICIAL PARKS DEPARTMENT PSA THANK YOU
APPROVED BY APRIL
April, I’m pretty sure official public service announcements have to be approved by lthree or four different people before you can say they’re official…
If I write that it’s official, it’s official. That’s what Ron said.
